Chapter 99: Ending

"I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you."

John 14:18

Here I am, at the end. In a lot of ways, I don't necessarily know how I feel. Physically, I am very much beaten down and exhausted from the intense traveling across the Highlands and Islands of Scotland this past week. Elder Draney and I went from Aberdeen up to Inverness to conduct our first exchange there with Elder Beal and Elder Marx. From there we took a 2-hour bus ride to Ullapool to catch our ferry over to Stornoway on the Isle of Lewis and Harris in the Northwest of Scotland. There we conducted our exchange with Elder Iverson and Elder Bramwell, both great missionaries. Elder Iverson and I both go home this transfer, so it was neat to have some time with him to reflect on what we've learned and how we are ready to start the next chapter of our lives. After a couple of days in Stornoway, we took a ferry back to Ullapool, a bus to Inverness, another bus up to Scrabster, and one last ferry to the Orkney Islands, a trip that took 14 and a half hours total. There, among the historical sites of some of the very first inhabitants of Scotia, I spent the last two days of my proselyting mission experience with Elder Beal and Elder Thompson. Until the last hour, Elder Thompson and I went from door to door and stopped people in the streets along the way. Then, it was all over. Elder Draney boarded our ferry over to the mainland and sat mostly in silent exhaustion throughout our many bus rides back to Edinburgh. As we made the walk from the Haymarket bus station in Edinburgh to the Mission Home, I realized that I would never again be in Scotland again as a missionary.

It was a long walk.

We made it home and the packing began, along with finalizing preparations for the upcoming transfer. It was difficult taking steps back to let my companions take the lead in the planning and instead focus on my packing, but I have full confidence that God will continue to inspire them as they step into their roles.

The evening before departure, all of the missionaries leaving enjoyed a dinner at the mission home along with a final testimony meeting with the McCruddens. It was great to be with friends that I've served alongside my whole time here in Scotland and Ireland and have one last opportunity to learn from President and Sister McCrudden. I love them both and hope to never take for granted the incredible lessons they have taught me.

Now, as I wait for the plane to take me home to America tomorrow, I can say that I have given my absolute all in serving Jesus Christ as a missionary called in His name. That feeling is sweet.

The feelings are not all sweet, however.

Most of what I feel is very difficult. It is hard to leave this life behind when what is ahead seems so uncertain and unsteady. Here, I feel as if I have become something incredible through the plan and power of Jesus Christ. I've preached from the streets, performed miracles in his name, healed, baptized, expounded his doctrine, and have been magnified in my forever falling short to somehow always accomplish what I needed to. I have made the greatest of friends and even found some long-lost brothers who I know I will remain close to forever. And yet, as I leave tomorrow, I can't help but worry that all of that will be lost. Forgotten.

All of that being said, I do have faith in Jesus Christ and I acknowledge that it was his plan in bringing me here together with the people I have met and grown to love. He has given me the experiences that I needed and so I must believe that He will continue to do so. To believe otherwise would be foolish. And so I press on, firm in my desire to seek the will of the Lord and trust His plan for me. At this time of great sadness, I do feel comfort in knowing that he will continue to comfort me as I return home and face the life that he has in store for me.